Guy de la Cruz The Fasten Seat belt sign is ON!! I don’t care if you want to die, but everyone else on board would be really pissed if your fat ass slams in to us as you go flying through the cabin. Like · Reply · 12 · Monday, April 8 at 9:49pm (10 hours ago)
Dan Stevenson Me: can I just see your boarding card sir?
Pax: I’m with him
Geordie Groenhuysen me ‘please don’t sit here, please don’t sit here’ or ‘PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, sit here : ) PLEASE!!!’ or ‘please don’t speak to me . . . please don’t speak to me . . . i do not want to give the person next to me permission to speak to me for 10 hours, when ever they think they can.’ Like · 8:21am (22 minutes ago)
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Ian Crinson On a night flight a distressed passenger called me over crying and asked why we had stopped moving? I looked confused at her statement and asked why she thought we had stopped mid flight and were hovering at 35,000feet as we weren’t in a Harrier Jump jet, hovering wasn’t possible. She pointed out of the window at a light and said “Dont lie to me we’ve not moved passed that light in over two hours!”
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Ben Gott Me: can you turn your phone off please
Pax: it’s off!
Me: ok, well can you turn your phone off into the off mode that’s off and doesn’t mean you can still play angry birds.
Brandon Bussey PAX -”I have to use the LAV!!!” Me: “Ma’am the seat belt sign is on, you must return to your seat!” PAX -” do you want me to pee on the floor!?!?!?!” Me- “heavens no! HERE’S A CUP! Try not to make a mess!” Like · Reply · 19 · 1:46am (6 hours ago) via mobile
Benjamin W Menges Pax ” I know (name of CEO)
Christopher Dixon Pax:This delay is ridiculous (10 mins whist engineers check the engine). Me: well it’s best we arrive a little late in this life, than arrive early into the next!! Pax: blank. Like · Reply · 17 · 4:44am (3 hours ago) via mobile
Ivette Cabrera Gauthier We are the only people in the world that say thank you when given empty glasses, half eaten sandwiches and snot soaked tissues. Like · Reply · 18 · Monday, April 8 at 10:02pm (10 hours ago) via mobile
Lee Peter Me – “would you like something from the bar?”
Them – “what ya got?”
Emily-Jane Hosking Crew: would you like a meal?
Pax: what are my choices
Clayton Jay Pax: I’ve just had a knee operation can I move to the exit row?
Crew: We actually need able bodied passengers in the exit rows to assist us
Pax: oh well I haven’t had the operation yet…
Matt DePeder ME: Sir, can I get you a beverage?
1st CLASS PAX: Yea, give me a White Russian.
ME: <blinking eyes> I’m sorry sir, that is not an option today. Can I fix you something else instead?
1st CLASS PAX: Fine, I’ll just have a Jameson on the Rocks.
ME: <more blinking eyes>
1st CLASS PAX GIRLFRIEND TO GUY: This is a plane you idiot, not the bar…
Jimmy Joe Morales Acosta Pax: “would you help me lift my bag?”
Me: “did you pack light?”
Pax: “my back just hurts!”
Alison Davey Following a diversion due to a medical emergency, an economy pax asked me if the First Class passengers had been diverted too! I said No, madam they flew away in their own first class pod with the flight crew!!!!! Like · Reply · 14 · 12:51am (7 hours ago) via mobile
Nicole Salazar- De Jager When asked ” What river/lake/city are we flying over?” I would love to reply with ” That would be Lake DILLIGAF, DILLIGAF river, or DILLIGAF, Iowa” ( Do- I – Look-Like-I- Give-A- F$&#!) in other words DILLIGAF! Like · Reply · 14 · Monday, April 8 at 11:58pm (8 hours ago) via mobile
Nestor Luz Pax: are you flying back now to Australia? (just landed in LAX) Me: yes I will just freshen up and off we go again. Pax: wow!!!! How can you do that? Me: it’s part of the job to just go go and go Pax: well safe flight back home and get some rest too Me: thank you and have a nice day Like · Reply · 14 · Monday, April 8 at 9:54pm (10 hours ago) via mobile
Jonathan Carl Coulton Crew: tea, coffee, juice or water?
Crew: tea, coffee, juice or water?
Pax: I said Pepsi
Mareike Hummel Me: (coffee can in one hand,tray in the other)”may I offer you coffee?”
Pax:” can I have tea?”
Me: “hold on,I will try to do some magic! Hmmhmm…one,two,three…coffee into tea!!!”
(pour coffee in pax’s cup,take a look in it,look to pax and say:)
James T Tollios FA: Chicken or beef?
Pax: What do you suggest?
Jonathan Carl Coulton Crew: tea or coffee?
Crew: which one? Tea or coffee?
Mark Charles Robson Me. Sorry sir there is no beef left only chicken. Pax. What don’t I get a choice. Me. Yes sir you always get a choice! Take it or leave it that’s your choice!!!!! Like · Reply · 12 · 3:07am (5 hours ago) via mobile
Jonathan Carl Coulton Crew: welcome on board sir, may I see your boarding pass please
Pax: I know where I’m sitting
Christoph Wilhelm Pax: do u have plain water??
John Butlin “Oh Christ, what do you mean it’s full?”, “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”, “Don’t look at me like that, I didn’t cook it”, “Get back in your fxxxing seat NOOWW!!”, “Fasten your seat belt before I tie it round your neck”, “Shut your child up or it goes down in the hold”, “If you make me say sorry, I’m going to hv you arrested on arrival”. Like · Reply · 11 · 12:58am (7 hours ago) via mobile
Ashley Ann Clark Pax: ” can you remove that big blue thingy from in front of my window so I can see outside better” (in valley girl voice)
Me: “oh sweetie, I could but then im afraid we would be severely delayed, it’s very important.”
Pax:” ugh, why”
Stephanie Konerding “if you don’t tell me you need milk and sugar for your coffee it will be BLACK – and no, i can not read your mind!” Like · Reply · 10 · Monday, April 8 at 10:15pm (10 hours ago) via mobile
Mikey George Tough Excuse me, my call bells been on for 20mins
Anderson Campelo PAX: Is this the flight that goes to Washington?
Ashley Ann Clark Me: Sir, that bag will not fit under the seat in front of you.
Pax: yes it will, I KNOW because I fly for a living.
Shaun Darlington Pax: what’s that down there?
Derek Fletcher On serving a light 1 option only breakfast on a short sector in economy……. Pax asks “what’s the choice?” My reply “have it or don’t!” Like · Reply · 9 · Monday, April 8 at 10:56pm (9 hours ago) via mobile
Benjamin W Menges Pax:where are we now?
Lykke Anja Salente Pax: I will have my meal in an hour or so, dont wake me up before then.
Adrian Reading My true experience.
Pax ” I’ve been looking out the window and I can see lots of blue. What’s the blue?”
Me “madam have you been looking up or down?”
Ben Gott ME Pop it on my head
PAX looks at you confused
ME yep just pop it on my head as you can see I’m using both arms so the head will be fine
Steve Kearney These seats are smaller than the flight we got on last week… Erm no I don’t think so.. I think you just got bigger… And yes I do say that Like · Reply · 7 · 1:36am (7 hours ago) via mobile
Lara Silva Wish I could say:
To the passenger with his bare feet up on the bulkhead: This isn’t your fu@$!ng living room!
To the passenger that insists that his oversize bag will fit in the bin: So do golf bags and snowboards, but we check those too. (Ok, I really do say that one).
To the lady that thinks she can stand in my galley during turbulence “because she flies all the time”: Of course, what was I thinking….? Code 4 turbulence doesn’t affect frequent flyers. Like · Reply · 7 · 1:12am (7 hours ago) via mobile
Vickie Hamrick Dispoto ME: “Sir, that bag is too big, it will not fit in the overhead bin.” Passenger: ” yes it will! It fit on my last flight.”. ME: “Sir, I’m a woman I know what’s going to fit and what’s not.”. Always gets a look. Minds go into “gutter mode” and I say, “Oh my! Take it however you want. I was talking about the bag!” ) Like · Reply · 7 · Tuesday, April 9 at 12:26am (8 hours ago) via mobile
Albert Flores I used to go through the aisle, row by row announcing: “Protein or Carbohydrates?” when taking meal orders instead of the regular “Chicken or Pasta?”. And seeing as how I worked alot of flights to Madrid and Barcelona I’d switch between that and “Proteinas or Carbohydratos?” Like · Reply · 6 · Monday, April 8 at 10:34pm (10 hours ago)
Jesse Lindenborn “No smoking” when they open the ashtray trying to get into the restroom through the bifold door. They always look at me like im crazy… then i tell them “thats an ashtray” Like · Reply · 7 · Monday, April 8 at 10:11pm (10 hours ago) via mobile
Raymond S. Ramirez Please help us set an example for the kids on our flight by listening to our announcements so we don’t have to tell you 2, 3, or 4 times to turn off your phones, put your seat up, stow your bag, give us your trash, etc… Like · Reply · 7 · Monday, April 8 at 9:51pm (10 hours ago)
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Martin Duggan I had this once pax “says can I have a pimm’s and lemonade”
I say “I am sorry sir we don’t stock that drink.”
Pax says ” well I will just have a beer then, it must be a cheap flight!”
Paul Elson One of my first flights as a junior working in economy, the days when I had to talk to passengers . An American asked me where my next trip was. I replied , Delhi. She said OMG I have one of those around the corner from us!!!!!!! I just released to brake off my trolley in complete dismay!!!! Like · Reply · 6 · 4:40am (4 hours ago) via mobile
Kate Jubilee Me: Sir, you have to turn off your electronic device.
Pax: It’s in Airplane mode.
Me: It has to be OFF, not just in Airplane mode.
Kellie Rivard As the passenger pulls the headset from his ears and wonders what I just asked him I would like to say “um I’m a flight attendant on an airplane, wtf do you think I’m asking you?? What’s your sign? Seriously”!!!!! Like · Reply · 6 · 12:35am (8 hours ago) via mobile
Laxmi Navkar Miles Pax”so what’s your usual route” me ” from my house to the airport and then I go to my gate where I board the plane” Like · Reply · 6 · Monday, April 8 at 10:49pm (9 hours ago) via mobile
Edd Gregory ‘What would you like’ ‘what have you got’.. Any FA who denies that they get asked this at least once a month is a lying sh*t!! Like · Reply · 6 · Monday, April 8 at 9:58pm (10 hours ago) via mobile
David Rodwell Pax pointing at the toilet door marked ‘TOILET’ and says is this the toilet?
Wanda Kerr Me: Would you like chicken.
Pax: I would like beef.
Me: I apologize, we only have chicken available, would you like chicken?
Pax: Well, I don’t have a choice do I?!!!
Me: Yes, you do have a choice; to eat or not to eat!
Ray Falcon Pax: do you do coffee?
Jenny Greenhalgh Me: Would u like breakfast!
Pax: What are my options?
Stacy Watts Pax: where are we flying over?
Lykke Anja Salente Me: would you please fasten your child’s seatbelt? We are about to take off.
Pax: but he doesn’t want to.
Maxie Olaf Tryggvason Hørnøy Any drinks ?
What you have?
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David Rodwell Pax trying to get into a folding door toilet.
Monte Forkas When briefing a exit row pax and they get all serious and start asking and showing me they can assist…. I tell them not to worry about the door to much and just jump out the big hole when the tail rips off. Like · Reply · 4 · 3:10am (5 hours ago) via mobile
Cory Friedman FA: please stow your
Pax: (standing in aisle blocking everyone with a confused look on face)
Do you need help?
Pax: no I’m just trying
To stow my luggage.
Amanda McNally Me: Sir you are going to need to stow your bag under the seat for take off
Pax: Why do I have to stow my bag if that lady gets to hold her baby *sullen teen voice*
Dan Mangan I sing JIMMY CRACK CORN & then just walk away! They finish the song in there head! ” & I DON’T CARE!”. Pisses them off every time! . Makes Me HAPPY! Like · Reply · 4 · Monday, April 8 at 11:48pm (8 hours ago) via mobile
Sara Penney The light above your head says ‘occupied’ the sign in front of your face says ‘occupied’ so yes, there is someone in there madam! And put some bloody shoes on! Like · Reply · 5 · Monday, April 8 at 11:37pm (9 hours ago)
Victoria Claire Gibson Pax- there isn’t any room in the locker for my (size of a 10 year old) bag, where can I put it?
Me- (in my head) oooooh sir, you don’t know how many years I’ve been waiting to answer that question honestly (where the sun don’t shine! To be exact) Like · Reply · 4 · Monday, April 8 at 10:41pm (10 hours ago) via mobile
Nicole Heiser we’re about to close the door, so please finish your texting, tweeting, facebooking, tumblring, instagraming, and pinteresting.
please keep your electronic devices on airplane mode. if your phone says it has no service, your transmitting function is on and you won’t get a signal. we are now at least 10000 feet about the ground and 9050 feet above the cell tower.
Dominic Anthony Sackman When I ask them would you like something to drink and they ask what do you have? I want to answer: Look in the cabin services guide I’m not the menu. Like · Reply · 9 · Monday, April 8 at 9:50pm (10 hours ago)
Craig Mcwilliam Pax. Can you tell me where we are
Anneka Jones * during meal service* any coffee, coffee for anyone?
*pax* is tht tea??
Oh, is tea coming?
Yes just behind me!
Coffee , any coffee???
Yes tea please?
Steve Connor Crew..can I get u a drink from the bar? Pax what do you have? Crew full bar wine beer spirits soft drinks….pax Mmmmmm ill just have water!!!! Like · Reply · 3 · 6:45am (about an hour ago) via mobile
Annika Jones Pax “is there a choice of meal??
Mark Mcgahan I used to love it if the flight was on a Tuesday and they were returning on a Tuesday …… As they were disembarking I used to say……”see you next Tuesday ” to each and every one of them with a big smile on my face …… C U N T Like · Reply · 3 · 6:05am (2 hours ago) via mobile
Alexandra Wembo My colleague to pax: would you like something to eat or drink madam?
Pax seated on the left: oh im sorry, my wife do not speak to “service people”.
My colleague back to the husband: Is that so? You can tell your CHARMING wife to travel with another company next time.
Calum Aird How do I turn on the wifi ? This is on charter btw … We just told them that the light button was the on switch and 5 mins later got bing bonged as the wifi didn’t work … Come on !! We don’t give you meals and IFE but you expect wifi … Like · Reply · 2 · 3:43am (5 hours ago) via mobile
Arlene Ruiz whenever someone asks me to help them stow their carry on baggage in the overhead bin and ur is heavy I say to them if it is too heavy for you to carry it is probably is too heavy for me too Like · Reply · 3 · Monday, April 8 at 11:55pm (8 hours ago) via mobile
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Amanda Jean Passengers just boarded and we’re waiting at least over a hour at gate with LARGE clean washrooms but… They come in and insist on standing in piss in our lav… During boarding!!! Fml… R u kidding me? Like · Reply · 3 · Monday, April 8 at 11:28pm (9 hours ago) via mobile
Wayne Gresham Pax:what city are flying over?
Jacques Venter On Asian Route: Pax, bringing tray to my galley before clearance: NO take it back to your seat! Pax: coming to galley, Hota wata (hot water), NO go away, CUPA Noodle? NO you just had your hot meal! Put your face mask back on and go to sleep!!!! Like · Reply · 3 · Monday, April 8 at 10:41pm (10 hours ago)
Tracy Campbell While traveling through several time zones, a passenger will ask, “What time is it?” I say, “Where?” They will always look at you like ???? And then I say “I dont know cuz I dont know where we are do you?” Like · Reply · 3 · Monday, April 8 at 10:36pm (10 hours ago)
Melissa Pineault U think we couldn’t smell it !?!?!?!
Benjamin W Menges Welcome aboard our Boeing 737-300 Nightmare-liner
Chuck Vadnais Please turn off your phone..
But it’s in airplane mode.
Steven Cox one day i would love to make an announcement asking if anyone on this flight to help as we have a passenger who doesn’t know who they are – after they have hissed – don’t you know who I am!!!! Like · Reply · 2 · Monday, April 8 at 10:00pm (10 hours ago)
Edgar Alberto Correa Crew: Sir I can offer You Orange or Apple juice…… Pax ;
Russell Hook What is that out there? Well, there’s some houses, and trees, and rivers and farms…..WTF, lady, I have no idea what that is!! Like · Reply · 3 · Monday, April 8 at 9:52pm (10 hours ago) via mobile
Kirstie Harriman Was Gallagher Pax ” I cannot believe we are delayed. I have seriously important meetings and I cannot be late… Go and print me the details of the flight and tell the captain to include the reasons for the delay.. Infact tell him too come and explain to me in person, this is unacceptable.
Róbert Székely Next time I have to go to NY I’ll take a boat… It might take couple of days (more), but I cannot take the rudeness of an under educated AIR WAITRESS anymore! Like · Reply · 2 · 2:07am (6 hours ago) · Edited
Charlotte Jayne Jarvis If you want to get rid of your rubbish so bad instead of spending 20 mins ringing the call bell…. Go and put it in the toilet bin!!!! Like · Reply · 2 · 1:51am (6 hours ago) via mobile
Katie MacDonald-walker Pax: can i use the toilet before take off?
Beto Ramos PAX: what’s that smell?
Luke Shanks im sorry the USA does not look like the cartoons its not a color coded map i dont know where were are just that we are 35,000 up, now what would you like to drink Like · Reply · 2 · Monday, April 8 at 10:20pm (10 hours ago)
Alana Romero When i walk through aisle and ANYONE dares touch or poke at me on my hip to get my attention. Which is generally as i walk forward so i can’t see who’s poking, and i very sarcastically say, YOU need to be buying me dinner BEFORE you touch me…. it is all in the delivery and most pax laugh. I could go much cruder….but I’m a professional!!! Hahaha Like · Reply · 4 · Monday, April 8 at 11:45pm (8 hours ago)
Laura Liza Navarrete Pappe -”Can you please switch off your phone”
-Is in flight mode..
-sorry it has to be off ,flight mode not alowed.
- but is in flight mode.
-yes, but sorry you have to swicht it off please.
-but is in flight mode look..
- please flight mode is not permitted.
- but is in flight mode!
Victoria Garland I offered a gentleman a sandwich, cheese or cheese & ham? He responded with “I want bacon” after a few moments I realised & pointed out the box read ba.com!!! Like · Reply · 1 · 7:32am (about an hour ago) via mobile
John Alexander Ball Passenger: Are there any toilets on the plane? Me: No sir, if you didn’t go in the terminal you’re going to have to wait until we get to LA. Like · Reply · 1 · 6:30am (2 hours ago)
Jessica Näslund Crew: Hello Sir, would you like something to drink? Pax: Yes please, a beer. Crew: A beer A or a beer B? Pax : a beer C! Crew: Ok Sir, let’s start again. Would you like something to drink Sir? Pax: Yes, a beer!! Crew: A beer A or a beer B? Pax: Don’t you have a beer C?? Crew: Hmmmmmmmm Like · Reply · 1 · 6:23am (2 hours ago) via mobile
Rachel Fowler You list all the sandwiches on the PA get to the 1st pax ‘what sandwiches have you got’ so you list them 2nd pax ‘what sandwiches have you got’ 3rd pax ‘what sandwiches have you got’ so you list them again PAX ‘have you got tuna?’ Yes sir we do have tuna I just like to repeat myself a million times and miss 1 out just for fun cause I have the time!! Like · Reply · 1 · 6:20am (2 hours ago)
Hannah Gower I say “tea or coffee” passangers says “yes please” what fucking one you twat! Passages clearly loose there brains in duty free and get on the aircraft as babies! I’m talking full grown adults asking the most ridiculous questions! Lol Like · Reply · 4:48am (3 hours ago)
Mansfield Gorodon Pax : can you clean THe WC its shitty.
Crew: ofcourse Here Take this gloves Like · Reply · 3:26am (5 hours ago)
Elaine Hodgins Me: “Would you like a breakfast croissant Madam” ..They look at it…turn their nose up….half take it as if it is a bag of poison …still turning their nose up. So I take it away quick and “No? ok! ” then I offer to the next person and they take it gratefully, then the first woman says “Oh well I may as well try it (STILL turning up her damn snout!) Like · 7:05am (about an hour ago)
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Mathieu Granger To Y/Cl pax complaining about their meals: “They are 2 kinds of passengers, rich people flying First and Business and poor people like you. You get what you paid for” Like · Reply · 1 · 12:31am (8 hours ago)
Declan Boulter Pax where’s the bathroom
Me: right there and you PUSH IT IN THE FUCKING MIDDLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like · Reply · Monday, April 8 at 11:39pm (9 hours ago)
Nestor Luz Madame the last time I looked at my name badge it says Flight Attendant not Porter. So kindly stow your luggage on the overhead locker Like · Reply · 1 · Monday, April 8 at 11:36pm (9 hours ago) via mobile
Wayne Gresham When cleaning up the cabin I tell them to pass all their teabags and peanut sacks to us so we can collect it all for landing! Like · Reply · 2 · Monday, April 8 at 11:20pm (9 hours ago) via mobile
John Butlin “Welcome on board”, “doors to crosscheck”, “sit back, relax & enjoy the in-flight service”, “Enjoy”, “the captain has turned on the seatbelt sign, pls rtn to your seat”, “duty free?” “Thank you for flying with us..goodbye”. Like · Reply · 1 · Monday, April 8 at 10:54pm (9 hours ago) via mobile
Ben Gott You’re a twat – what was that? Madam I have testicles not tentacles. PAX: where are we flying over now? ME: the alps (irrespective of any destination). PAX walking about when the seatbelt signs on ME: I’m almost certain we don’t need to cover reading ability and understanding during the safety demo do we? Then point annoyingly at the sign and say “that’s a clue” whilst service coffee and the continual relentlessness of the requests for tea “abra cadabra 123 turn this coffee into tea…, nope still coffee sir” xx Like · Reply · 1 · Monday, April 8 at 10:52pm (9 hours ago) via mobile
Patti Alikakos-Garraway Please don’t talk to me just as you have awaken, knowing I am taking drink orders and then the smell from your mouth….disgusting, drool on your face…gross. Like · Reply · 1 · Monday, April 8 at 10:04pm (10 hours ago)
David Simpson One of my more cheeky PA’s “Ladies & Gentlemen for those passengers who are unaware what the fasten seatbelt sign is, it’s the small illumination in the panel just above your head!” Like · Reply · 1 · Monday, April 8 at 9:57pm (10 hours ago) via mobile
Lara Brito Ah vai tomar no meio do olho do seu cu seu trouxa!!! – basically go fuck yourself in the middle of your asshole’s eye, you bastard! When those ppl in j class have the most stupid request bcz they think they r the center of the whole world Like · Reply · 8:24am (20 minutes ago) via mobile
Laura Liza Navarrete Pappe Owerwing safety briefing to a foregin passenger that says he speaks and undertands english,( jus to get the overwing seat) and is answering “yes yes yes..” To every word !! Like · Reply · 7:56am (47 minutes ago)
Brian Harney – can I see your boarding card please?
- AGAIN??? WHY???
Laura Liza Navarrete Pappe Pax : ” excusme, can you please tell me how is called the lake we are passing bye over right now? Yes, the small one in the left..”.
Me: can not answer you sir..sorry..(My god!)
Pax: can you tell me then please at what time is the eiffel tower swichiting on the lights?
Me: yeah sure let me just contact them we are always connected to the tower… !!!! God!!!! Like · Reply · 7:46am (57 minutes ago)
Gary Ingamells Me: Madam, can you just put your seat upright for take off? Pax : No, M:e No put your seat in the upright position or the only journey youll be taking is back to the gate. Me : thankyou Like · Reply · 7:35am (about an hour ago)
Andrew McFadden We’ve run out of cheese and fruit boards, we still have fruit salads though?
Pax: can’t you get some more for your cart?
Elaine Hodgins Me: “Would you like a breakfast croissant Madam” ..They look at it…turn their nose up….half take it as if it is a bag of poison …still turning their nose up. So I take it away quick and “No? ok! ” then I offer to the next person and they take it gratefully, then the first woman says “Oh well I may as well try it (STILL turning up her damn snout!) Like · Reply · 7:05am (about an hour ago)
Stephane Vidal Flight delayed for technical reason. An unpleasant, impolite pax arrives at boarding gate and showing his boarding pass says: “when do we leave with this fucking trash bin!!!”
Sara Secco i would love to tell my beloved pax sitting at the last row in economy just next to the galley that instead of calling us with a pax call after 2 hours of going up and down the cabin to serve them , to get their asses up and come serve some drinks themselves! They r in the fucking last row! Like · Reply · 5:00am (3 hours ago)
Master CorSan VilDham Ewww don’t talk to me unless you are first class! First class passengers can smoke and use mobile phones at all times. Economy no food or beverage service for you because you don’t deserve it !!! Like · Reply · 4:51am (3 hours ago) via mobile
Mark Torrez Just happened tonight:
PAX: is your apple juice all natural?
Me: it’s minute maid
PAX: is that organic?
Later on in the flight:
me: would you like peanuts or pretzels?
PAX: my sons allergic to PRETZELS
Me: ok here’s some peanuts
PAX: (after all peanuts are consumed) you really should tell people these are honey roasted
Me: it’s printed on the bag
PAX: it’s dark in here, I couldn’t see and my sons allergic to sugar
me: this is your reading light (click)
PAX: it’s just very disappointing you don’t have any non allergenic options
Me: (in my head) then bring your own organic natural snacks for your son whose apparently allergic to everything known to man bitch Like · Reply · 4:40am (4 hours ago)
Christian Bergendahl Would you switch that mobile phone off please…we’re about to take off!
Martin Taylor Hey Caroline. Long time no fly. You are looking well camp innit.
Ali Ertugrul The aircraft has not come to a complete stop yet. Please return to your seats. (is what we say) Sit the fuck down. Don’t you see the seat belt sign is still on idiot (is what we wanna say) Like · Reply · 3:05am (5 hours ago)
Dean Stocks What’s your phone number !!!
No really…strong or medium coffee,in which they usually reply,full cup please !!!
Or is that in pounds or euros,or milk and sugar??
Christian Arthur Say : I’ll call the flight deck and ask them to warm it up. Want to say : Quit being such a pussy and bring a fucking sweater next time! Like · Reply · Tuesday, April 9 at 12:11am (8 hours ago)
Larry Parrigin Would you care for penis? Would you care for penis? Sounds exactly the same as “would you care for peanuts” when the engines are running. Like · Reply · Monday, April 8 at 10:34pm (10 hours ago)
Melissa Pineault I had one pee in my sink on an embrear 145 !!!!!
Melissa Pineault Depends what kind of ‘LOad !’
Stephen Ellwood Oh I’m sorry there is no chicken left (what)!!!!!! I said no more chicken. I didn’t say can I rape your children! Lose the attitude cunt fucking fucking fucking fucking cunt! If your still not happy ill go and ask the captain to plow the plane into a mountain at full speed and kill us all because your a fucking cunt and Id rather kill us all than the airport were heading to deal with you and your fucking attitude! Ps. Just remember up in first class we have real knifes and I will gladly get a knife and cut your fucking throat. CUNT Like · Reply · Monday, April 8 at 10:17pm (10 hours ago)
Stephen Ellwood Oh its wonderful your in premium. Stop being a FUCKING PRINCESS its still economy only you were stupid enough to think is business class! (Roll the eyes) AND YOU STILL FUCKING STINK OF ROTTING WARTS ON A CUNT now fuck off shut up! Oh and that threat of “im gonna fly with B.A does not work as a threat! Ill even carry your bags for you to get you off my fucking plane…… economy CUNT! and change those pri mark shoes! You cheap whore! Like · Reply · Monday, April 8 at 10:12pm (10 hours ago)
Elfed Owen PAX Anything to drink madam? Yes a G&T with ice and slice that’s a gin and tonic to you! CREW There you go madam a g&t with frozen water and a piece of fruit. Enjoy… Like · Reply · 8:19am (24 minutes ago) via mobile
Luis Santos Hedborg You see daughter.. If u study hard enough you will not becomeba flight attendant like him…. Crew: yeah ur father is right… If he had studied enough you would not be sittin i. Economy u little cunt! Like · Reply · Monday, April 8 at 11:19pm (9 hours ago)
Ian Crinson Pax “Where are we?”
Me “Row 27″
Pax “No what are we flying over”
Pax “Haha, No what part of Earth are we flying over”
Me “It’s the island of DILLIGAF”
11. If you are a nervous flyer always look at the flight attendant for reassurance, if she’s crying and praying things aren’t good!
10. Make sure your ticket is First or Business class otherwise shoot yourself.
9. If you are up the back in Economy sleeping upright wish for a blood clot so you can die en route then you will be guaranteed an upgrade in a body bag.
8. Always carry sleeping tablets but make sure you take them when the plane is airborne, you don’t want to wake up and still be on the tarma
7. Clinique Toner is great for any terrorist activity throw in the terrorist eyes therefore blinding and exfoliating the skin at the same time
6. Always travel long haul with my latest product PAMROID Crème 3000 which is based on a hemorrhoid crème, great for those bags under the eyes and I’m not talking luggage. Dannii Minogue swears by it.
5. Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh in Economy First Class passengers are sleeping
4. In the event of an emergency over the Pacific you’re FUCKED! No tips!
3. Don’t piss off your fellow passengers by being late to the plane. You do not need that oversized Toblerone and shit from Harrods. Hurry the fuck up morons.
2. When the seat belt sign is on the seat belt sign is on. Don’t get the fuck up with all your shit, head under the over head locker in the half running half sprinting position like you are going to run a race WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING you can’t go anywhere so sit the FUCK down.
1. Children WHY!
The crew is so friendly they are known to touch you inappropriately.
The stewardesses are skinny bitches: They smoke, drink coffee and look you up and down when you board. Their uniforms only go up to size zero.
Air India pilots double as phone operators for AOL.
Most hideous airline passengers.
Chapter 15 isn’t a good chapter: Bankrupt!
Stewards wear red skirts, red jackets, red stockings, red shoes. The planes’ interiors are red, too! It’s hard to find the crew on board. It’s like being blind. You have to feel around the cabin to find them.
Only cabin crew in the world that can talk with their eyes.
The only airline to outnumber the passengers with security: 100 security men to every one passenger.
They have so much money they wash their planes with fuel and de-ice with Dom Perignon.
Best retro-looking airline. Very ‘70s.
The airline most prone to meltdowns. Passengers are so immune to them, not even a pilot screaming “We are all going to die!” gets the attention of anyone on board.
Every business-class passenger is given a Delft house upon boarding.
The Polish carrier is best for landing with no landing gear.
Most efficient airline in the world. Your bags arrive in the baggage carousel before the plane has even landed.
Still flying – barely!
Gayest airline. They have dark rooms on board. They were also the first airline to have a gay wedding at 35,000 feet.
You need night-vision glasses to see the crew because they are all ghosts.
Your bags fly free! That’s why so many kids are found stuffed in bags on the baggage carousel.
Merging airlines are always tricky. It’s very hard for the United girls to squeeze into the Continental Airlines uniforms.
The only airline you board and wonder: Is this going to be the first Qantas plane to crash?
The crew has phobias of birds and water.
Sexiest cabin crew.
Again, hot crew. Also, the only domestic airline with onboard sexting and a stripper pole in first class. The gays love their mood lighting.
- Best seats to book on Pam Ann Airlines are rows G, H and B!
- Excess baggage! Come on queens, do you really need six pairs of fishnet fingerless gloves, two Cher feather headdresses, five cowboys hats, 50 pairs of Aussie Bums, 20 bottles of poppers, four pairs of assless chaps and a swing?
- A must-have travel item is my latest product, PAMAROID CREAM 2013. It’s great for that excess baggage, and I am not talking luggage, I am talking those bags under the eyes. Based on a hemorrhoid cream, it’s a real eye opener. Lady Gaga swears by it, and so will your asshole!
- Never try and attempt to find your bag on the baggage carousel while tweaked out on K. Have a pineapple juice and sit the fuck down.
- Prior to reaching TSA security, don’t forget to check your pockets for old baggies from The Pier Dance.
- For all the bottoms with assholes like hippos’ yawns, ditch the 750ml bucket of lube – you don’t need it.
- Turn your fucking Grindr off for one minute.
- Don’t forget to pack your emergency trays of Ambien.
- When boarding Pam Ann Airlines flight 269 nonstop to NYC Pride, be prepared because we don’t seat you, we will whack your ass into your seats with a paddle. We don’t have seatbelts, we have harnesses in coach, and in first class we have slings, and my crew will fuck you.
- If you are traveling with kids, WHY!?