May 25, 2013

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In: Travel Tips

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  1. Best seats to book on Pam Ann Airlines are rows G, H and B!
  2. Excess baggage! Come on queens, do you really need six pairs of fishnet fingerless gloves, two Cher feather headdresses, five cowboys hats, 50 pairs of Aussie Bums, 20 bottles of poppers, four pairs of assless chaps and a swing?
  3. A must-have travel item is my latest product, PAMAROID CREAM 2013. It’s great for that excess baggage, and I am not talking luggage, I am talking those bags under the eyes. Based on a hemorrhoid cream, it’s a real eye opener. Lady Gaga swears by it, and so will your asshole!
  4. Never try and attempt to find your bag on the baggage carousel while tweaked out on K. Have a pineapple juice and sit the fuck down.
  5. Prior to reaching TSA security, don’t forget to check your pockets for old baggies from The Pier Dance.
  6. For all the bottoms with assholes like hippos’ yawns, ditch the 750ml bucket of lube – you don’t need it.
  7. Turn your fucking Grindr off for one minute.
  8. Don’t forget to pack your emergency trays of Ambien.
  9. When boarding Pam Ann Airlines flight 269 nonstop to NYC Pride, be prepared because we don’t seat you, we will whack your ass into your seats with a paddle. We don’t have seatbelts, we have harnesses in coach, and in first class we have slings, and my crew will fuck you.
  10. If you are traveling with kids, WHY!?

August 3, 2014

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May 21, 2014

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April 7, 2014

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March 24, 2014

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March 24, 2014

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March 24, 2014

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